ALONE UNTO HIS GRACIOUS ARMS

Last week, I was a bit terrified.

One afternoon, while I was on duty at the hot zone (Covid area). I received a message from our health center. They informed me that my father needs to be swab for Covid, because He is ongoing treatment that consider him to be vulnerable to this virus. Upon receiving the text message, I was terrified. I envisioned what would happen next if the result is not favor to us. On that day, I need to segregate my personal emotions, and thoughts because I am attending on patient’s health.

I still carrying that thoughts, until I did my doffing. I messaged my father first, that he will undergo swabbing. Masyado kasing mapagisip si mama, at mahirap kung ako ang magmessage sa kanya. The next day, we had a video call with my mother and told me that my father went to health center already. I assumed that my mother knew it, at nasabi ko na for swabbing nga si papa. As I expected, she was shocked. I just explained the reason behind, and let them do the precautionary measures like social distancing and isolation. A day after, my father informed me that he was done in swabbing. Prayers was offered intensely. I also asked prayer for my household that may his result be negative. 

Upon knowing the situation, I don’t know if I was stressed or sadyang may nakain lang na kakaiba. I had my stomachache and LBM but I still continued my normal routine during my rest day. The following day, it worsened. I experienced series of watery stool. From then on, I hydrate myself, and took first aid medication. After a while, I went outside to add my supply of ion drink and fruits that can help for my situation. While walking, I decided to add another errand which is to pay for my bills, which adds another kilo meter of walk. I tried to walk fast as much as I can because I need to beat the cut off. And finally, nakaabot ako! After paying my bills, I bought the things that I am needed. 

While going home, I have realized that this is really far from my normal days especially when I am not feeling better. When I had my LBM back home, my parents always there for me, to buy this and this. In short, I will just eat and drink it. And now, I am alone walking in the street in the middle of the heat of the sun. My emotions blown me away. I want to go back home, and be with my parents. I want to hug them and whisper that I had my bad tummy ache. I missed the kind of care of my parents unto me. 

In this time of pandemic, medical health workers sacrificed and battling for this unseen virus, I just realized that it is much. We gave a lot in this battle. Forced to be faraway from our home, a tiring duty but not noticed by the government, feeling of being alone in the battle, and being worried to family and personal’s health. All of these was my personal thoughts that keep bugging my mind. I said to Him, Lord please keep my father be negative and my tummy to be okay soon (because this might be one of the symptoms of covid). I whispered to Him, please keep us okay because this would be a big dilemma for the family. I foresee what would be our situation if one of us will be put on stake (I am the only child in the family, for the sake of everyone who haven’t know it). As I continued walking, I pass by in one restaurant and bought my lunch (naubusan pala ako ng supply kaya di pa ako kumakain ng past 3pm). While heading to our accommodation, I noticed that the sun hides and it seems that God is talking me in His special way. 

When this thing happened, I realized that God is with me all throughout these difficult times. It was like telling me, that my love for you will always be remain as before and ever. 

I let the sun hide for you, because I know you are sick. 

I let the teller to allow you to get in and pay your bill because you are tired. 

I let you be able to see your parents even through virtual because you are worried to them.

I let you feel this way even if it is difficult to understand my ways.

…because I believed you will be able to count your blessing and instead be grateful; and understand that I am gracious. 

In the busyness that we are now, we were put into different test to be able to see who is in control above of everything. 

I was terrified a bit. But through His mighty ways He never abandoned me because He is a gracious Father. 

After couple of days, my father’s result is a greatest blessing for the family. He is negative. I had recovered as well from my LBM and claiming that it will never be put me again on that situation. 

I may feel alone, but I will never be into His gracious arms.