Today, we are celebrating Independence Day!

But the question is, Malaya nga ba?

Then, I suddenly reflected on the events and activities of the past few days and weeks. I can say that my heart is at peace! Even though there is a lot on my plate.

In the past few months, it has been gloomy and dark. I just walked without purpose. But, through His grace, I was able to overcome it.

Then, as I continue to reflect a few years ago, I had just attended a Mission training in one of the Catholic Lay group. The call was certain. I know that saying Yes will provide PEACE in my heart. That I will never regret, and even there is a need to take a step back from all the professional growth for a time.

Accom namin sa Quezon during Outreach, dito Sya nangusap

That commitment with the Lord is a divine promise with Him. Madaming pagkakataon ang nagdaan para sa pagsuyo. Pero madaming pagkakataon din na, “Wait lang po”. And the rest is HIStory.

The journey was tough. It is indeed a Roller coaster ride. It is not always a happy ride; there were times of downfall. There were times of losing and fulfilling purpose. That in every circumstance of a challenging moment, He is already molding me. He will surely repeat each lost moment unless I understand the reason behind it.

And, indeed, nakakapagod!

He tested my faith and my human character throughout those times. And as I reflected all those times, sobrang layo na. Malayo na pero malayo pa. Faith and character (as I believe) increased and developed. The AWE moments with Him are one of the best experiences of this Mission.

When I was in the gloomy days, I was just reminded of one of the sessions in our Mission training. “Sometimes when we are spiritually and physically tired, always reassess the posture of our heart.” Just focus on the cross, on Jesus Christ, in everything we do. It is Him, and Him alone.

Indeed, this place gave me a beautiful rest.  Short stay, pero ung saya na naihatid sa akin ng lugar na to,  Ito ang naging reflection ng saya ng Misyon na inihain nya sa akin for 2 years! (May 2025)

In today’s first reading, I am reminded that He is the only one who should shine after all. “For we do not preach ourselves but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your slaves for the sake of Jesus. For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness”, has shone in our hearts to bring to light the knowledge of the glory of God on the face of Jesus Christ.

May we anchor our faith and trust in the heart of Jesus. May He shine after all. And through His grace, magiging Malaya din.

Lalaya din!!!

…Ilang bwan na lang… pero masayang balikan kung gaano naging magaling ang Diyos para maabot ang grasyang tinatamasa sa ngayon!

And for that may God be praised!

In the darkest season, these three words are the final message and reflection that He gave to me.

In the past weeks, I have been struggling with how to continue doing what I am doing – Mission work.

It has all started in the past months already, but I continue to show up, despite the negativity within. Suddenly, those moments have been carried out for a couple of months. It is so hard to let go. It is so hard to continue. Defining the purpose was hard to identify at all.

There were times when it was so hard to pray and you did not know how you will start your prayer, and what you will pray for. The joyful moment of prayer is getting lost already. Those moments happened when I was getting lost and questioning things. I also forgot to process things and listen to His message.

But He is so gracious, when He used people to remind me that I should process things. I may not understand now. I might disregard things. But He will not allow me to just move on and not to understand that “He has greater plans for me… that He will not abandon me”.

From that moment, I started to process. I started to identify that I am in the Dessert. In the desert that is filled with so many temptations, I ended up ignoring them.

But in a moment that all I wanted was just to have a reconnection, He started to whisper. While I was watching a TV series of “The Chosen”, I was in awe of how the Lord responded to His disciples despite of unworthiness, sinfulness they are. He did not want a full explanation, He just wanted to listen to their hearts. And this moment of Jesus and Mary Magdalene, helped me to realize how loving He is.

This asking season ended with a confession and reminded me of when the time that we are in the Desert, look for the Oasis, and there we will be refueled through His grace. This beautiful reminder thru the sacrament of reconciliation reminded me of His greatest love. We might have a lot of fears, worries, and doubts. But it is all about Grace that will fill in this emptiness in our hearts.

When I was in this moment, He was there! He send people to remind me that I need to process, and to affirm me about His grace!

***

In the time that we might feel empty, ask, seek, and knock! These words resonate throughout the whole journey. We cannot conquer our trials if we don’t do anything. We need to process things; we need to surrender and ask for help.

The empty tomb might be a pause, to test our faith in Him. But in the end, when we seek Him and look forward to seeing Him, He will be present. In the story of Easter Sunday, the in between when He appeared to Mary Magdalene and the disciples, they didn’t know them at first, they just voiced out what they felt. And so that is PROCESSING, that IN BETWEEN moments. Once we process, we will fully understand that He never leaves nor forsakes us, that in every step He is indeed Present.

Emptiness at times, is okay. It is our quiet time to reassess ourselves and our faith. The desert is the place where Jesus prayed even more, and the calling for us is the same as with Him. And that emptiness, laziness, and even spiritual battle, it is a reminder that even His disciples experienced the same, but because of His resurrection, they were reconnected with Jesus even more.

Every disappointment is a blessing and God’s appointment to us to renew our faith in Him!

Just ask, seek, and knock!

Have you questioned Him about His plans and His ways?

I, myself questioned it frequently.

I keep asking why it turned out to be the wrong way, to the way that I never wanted.

But the Lord surprised us in His most special way.

He will constantly break our hearts and a hundredfold questioning of His ways.

Let me tell you a story of what the Lord breaks my heart and redeems it.

Last Feb, we had an International Conference held in Dumaguete. This is a gathering of all Singles for Christ, a catholic lay community, around the globe. In this event, our leaders discerned us to be part of this conference as committee heads. We prepared for this event months ago before the said event. There were sleepless nights, which is more than 24 hours wide awake to accomplish some of the deliverables. There were some tears (mga tatlong luha, haha). But more than this roller coaster of events, this is just one of the beautiful stories of the Lord that will be revealed eventually in the later part.

I had a wonderful team in our committee, they were promising and the love and passion to serve the Lord is significantly present. But more than that I know, I thought that would be the first and last encounter to celebrate the beautiful mission of the Lord together. He never stops there, but still continuously moving even though we are far.

But more than this, I experienced one of the heartbreaking moments before I headed on to the main event.  Months before, I booked a plane ticket with the wrong origin of departure. In which, I needed to get another plane ticket. My heart remains excited because of the service and the other pre-event of the conference. I was hopeful that I would be able to attend the pre-event. The joy, the experience, and the encounter with the people made me delighted every time I joined the pre-event.

However, this excitement ended too soon, when we were called to serve and be a participant in an event right after the conference. It is a leader summit where every representative from the area will be joining the event. I had a lot of hesitations at first because I needed to get another ticket for the third time around. It was indeed a heavy heart for me. I haggled with the Lord, if He gave me financial resources, I would continue to get another one.

But the Lord is so gracious. He continues to provide enough resources to answer God’s calling. But despite His gracious and loving acts, I felt the incompleteness of the whole journey. I couldn’t attend the pre-event activity. I couldn’t hear the beautiful stories of the people who were attending. I couldn’t explore the goodness and beauty of the place. And I couldn’t personally encounter Jesus’ moments in every heart of the people. The joy of seeing those people who are passionate in serving the Lord is a great experience for the whole conference itself. I always look forward to this event at every conference, because I would love to be a witness of His love and how He works in every member of the community. Despite this, I still embraced the present moment of what I was able to encounter during the whole stay. I enjoyed seeing and serving His people.

After months of serving in the back-to-back sectoral and clusteral activities in our mission area, from April to May, the Lord surprised me in His most special way. While preparing for our sportsfest in Metro Manila, His divine intercession happened that night. Our full-time pastoral worker had a meeting with the PFO team of Negros Oriental, and they were discerning a session giver in one of the advocacies of Singles for Christ, which is Live Catholic. Our dear kuya used by the Holy Spirit to include me in their discernment. Out of nowhere, when I was advised I just said Yes. This is one of the big Yes for me in this mission, more than a Yes as a Mission Volunteer. That night, I just surrendered my schedule, my heart, and everything in between. It is my first time to go out of my comfort zone and serve with Him.

After days and weeks of discerning the Lord remained faithful to those bothered thoughts. My schedule was aligned, and my heart was still frightened, but overall, I was grateful. These fearful, anxious, and nervous hearts reminded me to hold on to the cross and to His promise that He is with me all day long.

On the day of my flight, I was still in awe of God’s promises.

Those three times of plane bookings last conference were paid off on my second round this time. Who would have thought that I would return to the same province after a couple of months?

I might be fearful if I was the right person to deliver His message, but the Lord did not end up having this on my mind at the end of the whole mission. I might feel uneasy about those moments, but the Lord surprised me with so many realizations. He called me not to give an inspiration, but to be inspired and to be a witness of His love to His chosen people. There were a lot of circumstances that the Lord helped me to encounter the beauty of His mission which I missed a lot during pre-event (Pre-Icon). I had a personal encounter with different missionaries in the province. I had listened to their heart and how passionate they were.

I was able to explore the beauty of the area and experience how the Lord had a redirection a couple of months ago. I might miss the Pre-event (Pre-Icon), but He wanted me to experience it more intimately. Having a deep conversation with other SFC members, witnessing how passionate and generous His love is through the servants and coordinators in the area. I was able to experience the exact moment of what the preiconers experienced by roaming around the whole city.

Sometimes, No, Wait, and Never is the way of the Lord to redirect us to embrace the present moment, to be excited about His plans, and to hold on to the promises that His ways are better than us.  Be hopeful, be faithful, and be prayerful because the Lord knows what is best and what are the hidden desires of our hearts. Remember that we are God’s beloved daughter and son, a sister and brother, and a friend, and because of that He will do Great things to His Great Friend! Because He is the greatest Lover of all.

This place has been so close to my heart. 

Every time that I wanted to be alone. 

Every time that I wanted to be in His arms.

And every time that I wanted to feel His comfort. 

I always wanted to go to this place. 

It was introduced to me with my Christian friend.

And from then on, I wanted to visit this place once in a while. 

It is along Marilaque road, and quite far from my house. 

But this place provides a lot of silence and serenity. 

It has cells, where you can contemplate and reflect a lot. 

There were also prayer huts where you can pray and meet Him with nature. 

This place has been so relaxing for me. 

Because of the ambiance of the place. 

It is like meeting my favorites, nature and with the Creator. 

That’s why it gives a lot of joy.

Unloading, surrendering, and forgiving are the reasons why I went up here this time. 

As I contemplated on my previous visits, some are just to breathe out from the stresses of the world. 

Some are the realizations that I need to process. 

This time, it became bolder, and louder. 

The challenges have become tougher each time I go up here. 

His generosity and greatness are vividly expressed. 

He doesn't speak out loud. 

He doesn't whisper into my ears. 

But He touched my heart through His words. 

The message for today's readings are the things that bothers me. 

And He spoke, whispered, and touched me through His words. 

The words that made me cry a lot. 

I am weak because of the standard of the world, in which I feel being unworthy, ungrateful, and bothered.

But in today's message, the Lord speaks so loud that “He will guard us, as a shepherd guards his flock.” 

This message hits me because of God's assurance of His love. 

But I admit that this is not really enough of what my negativities keep holding onto me. 

Until as I carefully read into the message of the First reading, that the Lord will never again make a division. The message is so clear of His intention, and His beautiful promises. He will never abandon us.

That He, the Lord, will make great things in accordance with His time. 

He will realign everything. 

This is Him, so powerful and great! 

That my plans will be realigned according to Him. 

No division will happen. 

As a sinful servant, I am questioning myself of who I am. 

Am I really manifesting as His good servant? 

Until, His second message, made an assurance of His love and mercy. 

As the Lord states that I will “cleanse them so that they may be my people and I may be their God.”

I may be an unworthy servant of Him, but because of His love, He already cleansed me. 

But the forgiveness of oneself must be taken over first, before anything else to see the pierced heart of Jesus who forgives us so much. 

It might be overwhelming emotions, but the Lord is so loving to express His love through His words. It is like saying, “My Child, I am forgiving you”. 

As I continuously grasp His message, he assures me of His calmness and peace. As He delivered to express that “I will make with them a covenant of peace; it shall be an everlasting covenant with them, and I will multiply them, and put my sanctuary among them forever.”

These words are so relevant to remain unto Him, because He is the God of peace. 

I might be troubled for so many reasons. 

I might be unworthy in the eyes of others. 

The Lord still assured me, this peace and nothing to be worried about. 

Because everything that He made is worthy. 

I am God's beloved daughter, and made according to His will. 

That I am made according to His standard and not with the standard of the world. 

As I continuously reflecting, I reflected into this song, 

Because our God is love and light. 

Our God is peace and joy. 

And He raises the weak and feeble.

(Our God- Liveloud song) 

… 

As the moment being in this Healing place, 

I have surrendered into His hands. 

I might be weak at times, ungrateful, and bothered, 

I might have a lot of negativities in my mind, 

But I know that the Lord is listening and patiently waiting. 

He just wants me to say it, to deal with it, and cry with it. 

I may feel different emotions during this Lenten season. 

But I am happy that the Lord keeps surprising me each day. 

Each day that strengthens and deepens my faith. 

Did you experience the moment that you needed to adjust or needed to hide what you really felt?

I admire it if you overcome these feelings and continue overcoming them.

I have once or should I say multiple times experienced this moment.

I look back during my secondary level when I needed to hide my feelings because I needed to. It is the situation, and I think I should do it for the best for that situation.

Recently, there have been these moments of confession that have been blurted out.

This is all about relationships. The first is about relationships with friends. I admire this person who raised the concern and is being honest about the situation, wherein I should adjust because one of their guests (who was my friend before), was also there. I should have adjusted to attend that gathering because she was there, but before the final call, she will be staying whole the time. Which, I should not be able to go with them because of that friend of mine, who doesn’t want me to be there. (I still cherished the friendship, but I needed to respect what she wanted and the better action for all of us. Still loving, but for now, loving from afar).

Second is another story of relationships. I admire his courageous act of confessing. It is indeed a good step. However, the action is good, but the timing is not. The intention was not stated clearly. Stating the confession in the most comfortable moment, na namamangka sa dalawng ilog. If the timing and action were right, it might be successful.

In the sequence of this life. There will be times that we need to be hurt but those moments have a lesson after. It might be hard to explain and understand but putting the meaning behind of this. In the first scenario, I learned that there were times when is needed to be given up especially when it is repetitive and abusing you. Didn’t understand where you were coming from. Or for the sake of everyone. In the second scenario, the act of confession might be a way to do what is right for the next prospect. It might not be for you, but it is a way to increase the courage of someone.

At the end of the day, these painful moments might be hard to understand, but it is a learning experience for you or for somebody else. For now, hold on, and move on. Look for a brighter tomorrow!

Loving one another is one of the greatest commandments, but sometimes it challenges us a lot. It is easy to love if they are loving as you are, but if it goes along the way you expected, it becomes difficult to bear. It is hard to love if they are difficult to love.

Just today, as I contemplate God’s message, I was in awe of how the Lord rearranged and organized according to His ways. I know that He is great in so many ways. But I am always amazed at how the Lord rearranged things.

To love is the greatest gift that we can offer. We may serve and call our duty in our workplace because we would love to. We sacrifice and continue our life because we love our family. We answer missions because that is the way to express our love to Him. We accept and understand people because we loved them. Expressing love is not as easy as we know, because along with this we will be challenged, hurt, and sacrificed.

Embracing our personal profession is a way of loving. It gives us satisfaction when on the other end satisfied with our service. In loving the profession, I also try to love the environment that I am working. I believed that loving the whole system will give me more satisfaction and enjoyment. However, it might not be applicable in all circumstances. Your love for the whole system will never be equal to what they can offer. But one thing is for sure, the learning experience will mold you as a person and a professional. At the end of the day, loving them will not be taken away. But do not invalidate your feelings, embrace them! Feel the pain because the greatest lesson is at the end. Look at the final message and filled the journey with full of faith. Who would have thought I found joy in seeing those people who have hurt me?

Meanwhile, we build relationships with people. We establish friendships. Friendships turn into admiration at times which will make you whole or will break you! They remain blessings whether bad or good happened after.

Despite these things that might happen, hold, and behold that He is always in the midst of every relationship that we have. If we loved those people expect that loving us back might not be possible. Boundaries built on it. Our love for them is not the same as the love they will be offered. But remember, that it is okay! We set our non-negotiable and negotiables and the Lord wants the best for us, and not on the thought that we were. We might forget the saying to lean on His understanding, but in times that we may be lost, hold on to this! Let us lean on His understanding!

Friends, loving will not guarantee a bed of roses and a rainbow. But it will surely guarantee us a colorful life that is full of meaning. Seek the meaning, find the purpose, and hold on to practice in Loving our Neighbor. ‘Coz loving them is also a manifestation of loving Him back!

Enjoy the loving season, friends!

“Love until it hurts. Real love is always painful and hurts: then it is real and pure.” -Mother Theresa